Three steps forward

Want to know a little secret? Pappa Starbucks and I, after months of heated disagreements, are now seeking help from couples therapy. There are many levels to this decision, from things we cannot agree or compromise on (parenting choices) to things we have said that deeply hurt our partner, to past actions left unforgiven, therefore unresolved.
It's called couples therapy but that's not really right. It's about learning what makes my individual person "me" and what makes his "him," and then learning how to interract on an adult level as opposed to an "adolescent" or "child" level. It's about modeling mature communication for my own child to see and enjoying the benefits of being an adult (making my own choices about my own body, and understanding what I am and am not comfortable with, since this IS my body).
I'm starting to love the freedom that comes with new knowledge- freedom to say "your words make me feel angry" or "the way you spoke to me in front of your friend made me feel like you would rather I'd stayed at home." And he loves being able to talk about things we've been putting on 'autopilot'- and instead of fighting about them, working to find "the win-win" solution, the one that makes neither of our wants/desires/wishes a "Lose."
It's actually still a very new thing for us. But it is empowering: it has already helped me mind my word choices and has enlightened him into the nuances that cause us conflict. We read and reread the book "Snow People World" and it has helped tremendously already.
If you find that interracting with other people leaves you feeling angry/vulnerable/confused/etc you should check this book out.
Tell me, what makes you uncomfortable in other people? Is it quietness, "authority," pushiness, people with different gender identities, different values or beliefs? Is it "flashiness" or showy attitudes? Or maybe you're comfortable with everyone (come on, really? Share!!)?


  1. We went to a couples counselor when we found out we were pregnant. I wish I could have put our counselor in my suitcase and moved him with us when we left NM. It was the best thing for our relationship. We fall back into some of our old patterns at times, and I so want to find a counselor who is as good as our old one.
    Wishing you lots of clarity!

  2. Oh, I'm so happy to hear this.. As I'm sure you know that I would be. There are times that I wish The Hubby and I could seek out such counseling but then it all seems to work its self out and we move on. I've often heard some people say that every couple should receive counseling at least once a year. Its an interesting concept.

    Something that bothers me is when one person thinks themselves greater, better, or more worthy than the next person. I'm sure I've been guilty of it at some point or another. I just want to say to those people, "And who do you think you are?" or "What makes you so special? We are all special!".

    Thanks for sharing this. I love you both and can't wait to see you later this week.


Spill it!